It's the Year of Weddings!

We called my MIL recently and was shocked to hear that my sister-in-law who will graduate from medic school this April is going to get engaged in this coming June and get married a month after that!

When I met MN during CYN holidays last month in KB, we have heard that she has registered with Health Ministry to be posted to Sarawak! When most people in the Peninsular try to escape from being posted to the East Malaysia (Sarawak/Sabah), she herself has voluntarily chose to go there. My MIL and the rest of the family were jumping when we heard that but she explained that rather than in the risk being posted anywhere around Malaysia, it's better for her to volunteer to go there as she will get some benefits and privileges. She said she only has to be there for 2 years, could come home for every Raya breaks and after 2 years she could choose any location to be transfered. My MIL though not happy with her decision, she would never object it. But all she said, MN must get marry first before going there. I thought it was just a joke, knowing how much MIL worries that MN will probably fall in love with a Sarawakian and choose to reside there forever! Well, I couldn't blame her, I guess all mothers if possible, wish that their children marry someone next door so that they could assure they can see them more often.

But none of us had any idea whether she has a boyfriend or not. I personally had asked her about this several times, but she positively said she was single. But I know that the youngest sister in the family, M has boyfriend. Even her boyfriend's mother has called MIL asking for her hand! And MIL has nicely rejected because M is still studying. They have to wait until she graduates.

And suddenly now MN got hitched! Since it was my husband who was talking to MIL, I couldn't get detailed info. And being a guy, cik HB did not ask that detailed lah! After he hang up, he explained what he has heard from his mother. That MN going to be engaged in June, then wedding in July and the soon-to-be husband is from Perlis, currently is working as a lecturer in UiTM, Sarawak. So I decided to call MN herself to get the juicy info.

MN just laughed when she heard my voice asking about the wedding. I jokingly accused her for being secretive when we were in KB that CYN holidays. She said she didn't mean to drop a bomb like that but the decision has been made just recently. And I was astonished to hear the details of her story......

MN knew the guy couple of months ago when she and a group of friends decided to go to Sarawak for their first duty as doctors. So some friends contacted their friends who are coming from Peninsular but working there to get details about living in Sarawak (sounds like Sarawak is a foreign country, huh? But it is in over the sea, so going to Sarawak, still going oversea, isnt'it?....hehehe).

This guy is one of the friends who works in Sarawak. So somehow MN was introduced to this guy and they started e-mailing and SMS'ing each other after that. I don't know how was the love started, and how they came up with the idea of getting married, I didn't ask. But I'm quite amazed with their decision coz they haven't meet each other yet in the reality world. Yes, they have exchanged photos (MN also forwarded his photo to me via e-mail, and he's cute!!!). Isn't it a bold step in accepting a wedding proposal, not knowing much about your future-spouse-to-be? No, I'm not going to judge her decision, I think so does my in-laws family. I also don't believe that being in a relationship before getting married will ensure a happy marriage though I've been in 7 years of courtship with my dear cik HB before we got married. I think being in love after the wedding is most important provided we have chosen the right person to be our soulmate. And MN is a responsible person all this while, I believe she probably has done solat istikarah before she made her decision. I pray that this couple is blessed by Allah S.W.T.

However, MN's news has caused a chaos in my annual leave plan. See, not only MN is going to have wedding this year, but so does her elder sister and my own sister! My own sister's wedding is in this May and MN's elder sister's is in this coming August. I checked with MN whether she and her sister, MK going to have combined wedding ceremony, but MN said no. I understand why MK refuses to it, as she has planned meticulously for her wedding. She got engaged last year, and we've been discussing about her wedding preparation ever since. And she needs to have the ceremony to be held during school breaks as she is a school teacher and has confirmed the date with her fiancee's family. And I'm sure she has arrangement with the wedding boutique, the card supplier and the list could go on. And MN could not wait until MK's wedding which tentatively will be held at the end of August as she needs to report duty in Sarawak sometime in early August.

It looks like my PIL have no choice but to arrange for two wedding ceremonies in two month time consecutively. Hard works, huh? And for me, to re-plan the leave schedule gives me a headache. I'm supposed to go for a family get-away this April, since cik HB is going to go for his students' practical training visits, so we thought we can turn it into a family vacation as well. But I need to take 2 days leave for that. So now I have to cancel that and save the leaves for the weddings purposes. Few days dedicated for the one in May, one in July and another one in August. And we have to fork out more money for balik kampung travelling expenses, sponsorship for some items in wedding ceremony, and not forgetting buying presents for the newly-wed couples. Phew!!! I've been cracking my head preparing the budget and time for the previous two weddings, now I have another wedding to think about.

Well, guess 2008 is the year of weddings for my families, huh?

Mari kita buat tag...

Aku telah diberi satu tag oleh Are-T : 'Kat mana selalu online?'

So here we go:

1. Yahoo!Mail
Dalam sehari mesti kurang2 10 mail masuk inbox. Satu sbb urusan keje, tapi yg byknya dr Jobstreet, Friendster la. So keje aku ari2 delete mana2 email yg x relevant supaya x menyemakkan email aku.

2. Blogger.com
Mesti log-in to blog aku, especially kalau rasa nak blogging or reply komen dr rakan2 bloggers. Kalau dah free, melawat blog2 kawan. Yg x kenal pon aku lawati gak.

3. Facebook
New addiction! Aku dah lama sign-up ngan Facebook atas jemputan seorg kwn tapi baru2 ni je aku discover the wonders of Facebook. Bak iklan Astro... 'mcm2 ada'.

4. Friendster
Kat sini tempat aku trace kawan2 lama. Tapi so far dah kurang sikit mencari kawan2.

5. Google.com
Masa2 terluang aku rajin baca isu2 kesihatan ke, weight loss ke (walaupun berat aku x turun2!), gossip ke, politik ke, selalunya aku google aje.

Tu je kot. Dgn ini aku forwardkan tag ini kpd Linda, Adah, Izanie dan sesapa yg berminat.

Barbie oh Barbie!

We bought 3 DVDs when we were in Tg Malim. There is one shop sells cheap DVDs (and yes, it's pirated ones, you can critisize me for supporting pirated business, but I just couldn't help it, it costs me only RM5 per DVD and it's the DVD 9!). Since the twins love Barbie's movies so much (I love them too!!) I bought 'Barbie-The 12 Dancing Princesses' and 'Barbie as Mariposa'. And since I've longed to watch 'Enchanted', and we have found it at the shop, we bought that too. I was tempted to buy more, but restricted myself to buy only that 3.

The problem now, the twins insist to watch Barbie everytime they are at home. When we reached our home in Melaka on Sunday afternoon, we have watched all DVDs in one row. Yesterday when I came home from work, they were still watching Barbie. So overdosed of Barbie!! Then Maghrib time, dear cik HB switched off the TV, they started crying asking to put Barbie on. And I needed to cook, cik HB was praying and these two girls were hanging on my legs, crying "Umi, nak Barbie" over and over again. So I gave up and and put on the Barbie so that I can cook in peace.

But when their father has finished his prayer, he switched off the Barbie and change to the news. And of course they were crying and wailing, protesting for cik HB' act. And since cik HB did not entertain their request, they came running to the kitchen and disturbed me instead. Luckily, I've finished cooking so I managed to make them forget about Barbie by serving the dinner. And since they love soup and fried fish, they were willing to sit down at the dining table and enjoyed the food. Actually, they were not really eating, they just love to play with the food. That's why most of the time I don't let them eat on their own, I would feed them. But because I need to distract them from Barbie, I let them eat on their own. No doubt after that, they have created mess in the dining area.

After dinner, I thought they have forgotten about Barbie, but no, Nabihah still whining that I put on Barbie and she was so persistent about it. Cik HB said we don't have to entertain her, just let her cry. We must teach her to follow the rules. In the midst of her annoying crying, I tried to explain to her that she couldn't watch Barbie all the time, that there is limited time on Barbie or the cartoons that we set for her and her sister. Coming back from school between 6 to 7 pm, they can watch either Barbie or the cartoon networks. But after that, it's the parents' TV territory. I don't know whether she understand what I was saying, or if she understood whether she accepted it, but the crying was not ceased for the next one hour.

Actually I always be the weaker part compare to my husband. I can't stand the crying, so I prone to comply with their request. My husband always the stern one, he always set the rules for the twins. So when he scolds them, the twins always run to me for protection or simply to report. I understand that in parenting, when one parent scolds the kid, the other parent should not interfere. Though if we disagree with our spouse on his/her act towards the children, we should never point it out in front of the children. It will make the children think that we are supporting their act and also it degrades our spouse's self-respect. Not that I disagree that my husband scolds them, I also scold them but sometimes I think he's too strict. So if they come to me after being scolded by their father, I just say that they are scolded because they do not listen to Abah, so next time they must listen.

In Barbie's case, I totally agree with my husband that they should have designated time to watch TV. And not only TV, there are lot of other rules we have to set. If we don't enforce the rules now, I think it will be a lot harder to discipline them later in their life. Who says parenting is easy? My kids are only 2 1/2 years old but they already challenge my patience and my mothering skills.

I wonder how my parents survive in raising nine kids.............

Cerita Pilihanraya & Gotong-Royong

Sempena pilihanraya 2008, aku balik kampung utk mengundi. Ini kali ke-2 aku mengundi and since dear cik HB tak mendaftar, dia takde pilihan melainkan ikut aku balik kampung. Antara 6 adik beradik aku yg layak mengundi, hanya aku n abg aku yg mengundi. The rest tak mendaftar, sungguh xde kesedaran atas kepentingan mengundi. Kecuali kakak aku yg dulu penah mengundi di Pahang, dah tukar alamat kat kg kami ni, tapi x tau kenapa namanya tak di update. Kesian dia, padahal semangat nak mengundi berkobar2....huhuhu.

Aku x berapa berminat nak sentuh citer pilihanraya 2008 ni. Yang pasti aku pon terkejut yg BN kalah teruk kali ni. Bukanlah aku ni penyokong BN, aku x berminat sebenarnya soal2 politik tapi sedikit2 terkena la jugak tempias cerita2 pilihanraya. Well, harap2 sesiapa pon memerintah, dapat menerajui negeri/negara dengan baik. Jangan pandai berjanji aje!

Dan selain pilihanraya, kami adik beradik balik sebab nak gotong-royong siapkan rumah mak sempena adik pompuan aku bakal berkahwin bulan Mei ini. Antaranya nak cat rumah dan buang khazanah2 yg tak guna. And since aku x berapa berminat ngan aktiviti cat-mengecat ini aku amik tugas caterer aje. So balik aje dr mengundi, berpeluh2 aku sorang2 kat dapur masakkan lunch utk keluarga besar aku ni.

Dalam dok mengemas2 tu banyak 'khazanah' lama kami jumpa. Mak n Abah aku mmg jenis yg sayang barang, kitorg nak buang pon payah. Jenuh ckp mcm2. Kitorg jumpa slip gaji lama Abah, tahun 1989. Gaji bersih Abah masa tu cuma RM766! Aku pon x tau gaji Abah byk tu aje. Bayangkanlah tahun 1989, kami semua 8 org adik beradik dan ramai yg bersekolah (adik bongsu lahir thn 1992). Mak aku cuma surirumahtangga. Tapi x penah pulak kami pegi sekolah x bawa duit belanja. Kalau nak bayar keperluan sekolah, mmg Abah bagi je duit. Tapi mmg kami hidup x mewah lah. Mak selalu ingatkan kami jgn beli benda yg x perlu. Abah mmg berbelanja sekadar yg dia mampu. Beli rumah murah, pakai motor kapcai aje. Kami pon jarang pergi jln2. Cuma bila jabatan Abah anjurkan rombongan mkn angin naik bas, barulah kami pergi. Tu pon bila adik2 makin ramai, dah xde. Tgk slip gaji Abah tu yang buat aku insaf sesgt. Dalam gaji x besar centu, Abah still buat potongan gaji utk simpanan Tabung Haji.

Anyway, x sempat kami nak kemas semua. Baru berjaya cat rumah dan buang satu almari lama yg dah nak pecah. Ada lagi satu almari buku yg penuh ngan buku2 lama dan majalah2 lama. Entah nanti Abah bg ke tak kami nak buang. Somehow mmg kena buang, kalau x serabut lah rumah or boleh jadi muzium nanti....hehehe.

Upset

Did I mention that I'm going back to my HQ by early April?

Well, apparently I'm not....Damn! I've just seen a letter issued by my boss on demobilization date of the staffs. Seeing my name with status 'Until Plant Commissioning' is really disappointing. And guess when the plant is going for commissioning? Still in the grey area....looking at the current situation I would say even by the end of this year, this project will not complete...*sigh*

This is the project site

When I accepted the offer to work here, I thought I would manage whatever circumstances I would have to face. When I came in April last year, I was told that the project supposed to end by September last year. Since it was only 6 months ( I thought....) I kept telling myself I would survive the nasty boss, the dreadful long hours daily drive, the problems with the contractors, clients and colleagues and so forth.

I've chosen to come here, so I have to endure whatever it is. Now I'm telling myself I can do this no matter how much I hate being here. FIKIRKAN BOLEH!!!!

Movie Review : Provoked

I didn't plan to watch TV last night, but while waiting to use the bathroom because cik HB was in it (it was 9 pm, and I hadn't take my bath yet, 'cuti' from solat made me completed the cooking and house cleaning first before taking bath), I browsed the TV channels and noticed that Ashwarya Rai was in a movie aired on Astro Kirana. This is not a typical Bollywood movie cause I will not spend my time on weekdays night watching a Bollywood movie. When I checked the info box, it said the movie is based on a true story, about an abused woman who killed her husband. It sounded so interesting, so I decided to watch it, forgetting that I had not taken bath yet.

Prologue

The movie started by showing Aishwarya ( She played as Kiranjit Aluhwalia in this movie) being taken to the prison. (Note: this movie was based in UK). She was charged with attempted murder of her husband. Apparently she has set fire on her husband while he was sleeping. Not long after that, her husband, Deepak (played by Naveen Andrews, he's the Iraqi guy in 'Lost' ) died due to the critical injuries from the fire. Kiranjit then was convicted with murder charge of course.

Kiran's Background

As the movie showed flashbacks of Kiran's past, her life with her husband from the day they got married, it was reflected that Kiran has been physically, mentally and sexually abused by her husband. Kiran was a typical Indian woman, being raised in a traditional Indian-Punjabi family in a remote village in India. It was an arranged marriage, she met the husband on the day they tied the knot. When she expressed her worries to be married to a guy that she hardly knew, a family member convinced her that this guy she was about to marry is a good guy, with stable income, and will take a good care of her. Furthermore, she will venture a promising life in UK. See, her husband was an Indian-Punjabi guy being raised and based in UK, so right after the wedding, Kiran followed her husband to the new country and new life.

The Abuse

The first physical abuse she got, was when they came home after a dinner arranged by Deepak's friends. This one friend, asked Deepak to dance with Kiran but Deepak refused. Instead, he insisted this friend to dance with Kiran. Kiran was reluctant at first but since Deepak insisted so much, she agreed. And the dance did not involve any physical touch between Kiran and the guy she danced with. After a while, she enjoyed it and started laughing with the guy. Deepak who was watching, started showing jealousy impression. When they reached home, Deepak started accusing that this friend has fallen for Kiran and Kiran also seemed to be interested in this guy. Kiran denied it and said that Deepak was being foolish by saying those things. And instantly, Deepak hit Kiran on her face that she fell down and her mouth bled. Deepak, however apologized profusely for his act, giving excuses that he loved Kiran so much, he couldn't stand to see Kiran with another guy. (So ironic, huh? He was the one who insisted!)

Then series of abuse followed in their 10 years of marriage (they then have 2 sons) . Deepak committed adultery openly and when Kiran questioned about it, he beat her brutally . He spent his money on liquor and women and left just a small amount of money for Kiran to buy house expenses. And when Kiran asked how she would survive with small amount of money, he said 'Go ask from your brothers!'. When he was drunk, he forced Kiran to have sex in brutal manner. He constantly scolded Kiran for the way she dressed, she acted and even for drinking black coffee and watching TV! One scene, Kiran was heavily pregnant trying to persuade Deepak not to go out (because she knew that Deepak was going to see his lover) but Deepak pushed her aside and Kiran fell down the staircase.

The First Court Trial

Kiran was very unfortunate in her first court trial. When her mother in-law was called to give testimony and she was asked how was the relationship between Kiran and her husband and whether she has witnessed any abuse on Kiran, the flashback showed while Kiran was cooking with her mother in-law, Deepak suddenly dashed into the kitchen, hit and straggled Kiran because he accused that Kiran had humiliated him by calling his office and talking to the woman that he has affairs with. If it not of his mother protecting Kiran, Deepak must have killed her. However, instead of telling the truth, the lady mentioned that Kiran was an arrogant and bossy wife and she has NEVER witnessed any of the abuses as claimed by Kiran. ( I guess, because she is Deepak's mother, she wouldn't want to admit the bad sides of her own son, besides she must be very angry that her daughter-in-law has killed him no matter how bad he was).

One of the witness, a policeman who first arrived at Kiran's house after receiving report on the fire, has actually found Kiran in bewilderment and not in the state of awareness. But just before he went into the court, his superior has warned him not to tell the truth as he did not want another crime case to slip away from punishment (he strongly believed that Kiran is an evil lady for her act and claiming being abused is just an excuse!). The policeman though was reluctant but he obeyed what he was told to do.

Only a doctor, who had given treatment to Kiranjit justified that she believed Kiran has been abused. In her flashback, she said when Kiran came to see her, accompanied by her husband, she was badly injured with bruises on her body and twisted wrist. She claimed she fell down but the doctor felt that she was trying to tell her something else but afraid to do so as the husband was around. The doctor tried to send Deepak away by giving excuse that she needed to check further on Kiran and Deepak may have to fill up some forms at the administration counter but Deepak, as if could feel what the doctor was up to, refused to obey her request and took Kiran home.

Kiran's lawyer felt that the case would not be on Kiran's side, insisted that Kiran must stand up for herself by being a witness. But Kiran refused to do so. She gave lame excuses like she couldn't speak English well and people would laugh at her. She also said that she was sinned therefore she would accept whatever the verdict is. ( I was initially angry with her attitude, but at this point Kiran's actual personality was not fully described and how the fire tragedy happened did not come into the picture yet). Kiran's lawyer was actually hired by the government to defend Kiran, so she must not have received big amount of fee, so when Kiran herself has given up, this lawyer also did not bother to fight further.

In UK, as the verdict of a trial will be based on the decision made by a group of juries (public citizens), therefore the conclusion made by the lawyers and direction given by the judge plays important role in the decision making. Kiran's lawyer was not good enough, the prosecutor was determined to win the case, and the judge has made his own conclusion indirectly indicating that Kiran was already guilty, so guess what was the verdict? She was found guilty for murdering his husband and sentenced to life prisoned.

The Volunteers

Kiran's case has attracted a group of volunteers who work to help abused women. This one lady (I couldn't remember her name) has personally went to see Kiran at the prison to get to know her and her situation before the trial. But at that time Kiran was still keeping to herself, she did not talk much therefore this lady couldn't get much things from her. When Kiran was announced to be guilty at the court, the volunteers made havoc about it, saying that the court has misjudged the case. They also went to see Kiran's lawyer and asked her to make plea for Kiran's case. They also arranged for Kiran's children visits to the prison.

The Prison Life

Initially, Kiran found it difficult to adapt to the prison's life. See, when Kiran moved to UK, she was confined to her house, she hardly mingled with other people except her family. That was why she couldn't communicate well in English. She also had no self-confidence, felt like she did not deserve to be treated nicely by others. This is due to her miserable married life. But she was lucky because her cell mate was a nice woman, named Ronnie. Ronnie and Kiran has one thing in common, they both went to the prison because they killed they husband. Ronnie had been abused by her husband. With Ronnie, Kiran improved her personality, learned better English and even learned to make friends. Ronnie was the one who helped Kiran to get lawyer for her pleading trial.

Pleading Trial

Kiran's pleading trial only began after she was in prison for 3 years and 5 months. Prior to this, the volunteers and the lawyers struggled so hard to get evidence that could support Kiran in her plea including all law and psychology terms that were possible to explain Kiran's act (killing her husband). They wanted to plea for manslaughter instead of murder due to her husband's abuse that provoked her to act in such way. See, Kiran has been abused in 10 years with all sorts of ways : physical, mental and sexual, so one day she just snapped and had her way to revenge. Flashback showed the night Kiran killed her husband, Kiran was beaten and threatened with hot iron because Deepak found out that she withdrew his money from the bank. Though Kiran said she used the money to buy house expenses, Deepak was very angry because he said Kiran had no right on his money or his house. He spat at her saying that she was only a useless woman.

Two hours after that, while Deepak was sleeping, Kiran stepped into their bedroom carrying a small container and a lit candle. Kiran was actually crying when she poured the liquid from the container (which I believed was gasoline) and while doing so, Deepak woke up and Kiran accidentally dropped the candle and immediately fire spread on Deepak's body.

In the end after hearing all the evidences highlighted by Kiran's lawyer (I'm sorry I'm not able to elaborate on the trial details as it involved lots of legal terms which I don't understand), the court agreed that Kiran's case to be charged as manslaughter and since she has served 3 years and 5 months in the jail, the period is considered as her punishment. Kiran was then released.

Happy Ending

Kiran returned to her sons after being released from prison. Her story has attracted the public and media. In 2001, Kiran received award from UK government for her important role in Asia women development in UK (I'm not very sure about the award, and why she received her award, but when she was in jail she said she wanted to be a lawyer, so I guess she became one later).

My Conclusion

I'm not Ashwarya' s big fan but I love her acting talent in this movie. Most Bollywood movies she was involved, exploited her beautiful face and body. But in this movie, it was merely her acting talent. She wore no make-up, no fancy dress and of course no super-dupa dancing move. This movie did not really focus on law issues (I mean if we are looking for satisfaction in the lawyers' tongue fightings like John Grisham's 'The Pelican Brief' or Law and Order ). It was simply a story about a woman who was abused by her husband, she killed him, lost her self-esteem but got back on her feet with the help of many people around her. Moral of the story: If you are victim of domestic abuse, go get help from the right people, don't kill your husband/wife ok!!!

Sad News...

I had a chat with a fellow colleague this afternoon. He works for the main contractor as a contract staff but since we are working for the same project and he always liaise with me for the progress claim purpose (he's a quantity surveyor, based in JB), sometimes we talk on personal stories as well.

Few weeks ago, he told me that he was under lots of pressure. This guy is very young, even younger than me. I think his age could be around 27/28 years if I'm not mistaken. Married with 3 children, aged 1, 2 and 3 years old and the wife is not working. He said he was facing the possibility to be retrenched because the company is going to be downsized . And at the same time the wife was admitted to the hospital, suspected to have bone cancer.

So today when I asked him about his wife, he said the wife is indeed diagnosed with bone cancer! I was speechless, really didn't know what to say to him. He looked calm and still managed to smile. He said the wife now is at home, will undergo an operation as part of the treatment. Currently, she's taking care all their kids. During her stay in the hospital, the kids were separated, each taken care by different relatives coz they do not have parents or parents-in-laws who could take care all 3 kids together.This guy, with his job at jeopardy, the wife with cancer and taking care 3 small children, with little help from close family. So sad, huh? And I couldn't imagine how is the wife coping with the news. She must be feeling down and sad. And I feel really sorry for them.

I don't know whether other colleagues know about this. And I don't know whether it's the right thing or not to convey the news to others. But I'm thinking, if more people know, maybe we could help. Maybe we can start doing money collection, give moral support or something. He's going to need lots of money with the treatment and family matters. And he must be in despair, worrying about lots of things.

This is life....maybe this is a test from Allah to him and his family. And also to us, to understand the meaning of qada' and qadar. Test like this could happen to any of us, to see how strong we are and how redha we to accept faith like like this. I'm trying to get more info from DN on his wife's condition and the financial situation. Maybe we can help him in certain ways, cant we?

To DN, I pray that you and your wife are strong enough to face all these challenges and I pray that your dear wife, though I don't know her will get a cure from this cancer she's having. To my blogger friends, let us pray together for this family.