Working Mum Vs. Stay-At-Home-Mum (SAHM)

I found an interesting article shared in FB.


The title:

A Letter from a Working Mother to a Stay-At-Home Mother, and vice versa

Dear Stay-At-Home Mum

Some people have been questioning what you do at home all day. I know what you do. I know because I’m a mum and for a while I did it too. 

I know you do unpaid work, often thankless work, which starts the moment you wake up, and doesn’t even end when you go to sleep. I know you work weekends and nights, with no discernible end to your day or working week. I know the rewards are joyous but few.

I know that you seldom have a hot cup of coffee or tea. I know that your attention is always divided, often diverted from a moment to moment basis, and you cannot ever count on completing a task in the one go. I know that you probably don’t get any down time when you’re on your own at home, unless you have a single child who still naps in the daytime.

I know the challenges you deal with daily, usually with no peer support or backup. The toddler tantrums, the toilet training accidents, the food battles, the food on the floor, the crayons on the wall, the sibling rivalry, the baby that never seems to stop crying. I know how the work seems incessant, like an endless cycle – you shop for food, prepare it, cook it, attempt to feed it to your children, clean it off the floor, wash the dishes, and repeat in three hours.

I know you fantasise about having an hour to yourself to eat your lunch in peace, or about having an afternoon nap. I know you sometimes wonder if it’s all worth it, and feel envious of your friends who are having coffee breaks at work. I know that sometimes when your partner gets home in the evening after his work is done, he wants to put his feet up exactly when you need a break the most, and this can bring you to tears. 

I know that you are misunderstood by so many who do not appreciate the difficulties of caring for small children on your own, all day, and refer to you as joining the “latte set”. They imagine you spend your day sipping coffee while your children play quietly. I know you miss your financial independence. I know you feel amused and sometimes annoyed when others proclaim “TGIF!” because to you every day is the same – there is no Friday, no break from your job. I know that many people do not understand that you work – you simply work an unpaid job at home.

SAHM, I don’t know how you do it. I admire your infinite patience, your ability to face each day cheerfully and bring joy into your children’s lives even when they wear you down. I admire your dedication to being a constant presence in your children’s lives even if it isn’t always easy. I admire the way you work without expecting any reward – no promotions, no fame, no salary. I know you want your children to feel important and loved, and SAHM, you do this the best.

I just wanted you to know that I understand. We’re both mothers. And I know.

Love from the trenches

Working Mum

Dear Working Mum

I know you sometimes get judged by others for leaving your children in the care of others to work. Some people imply that you don’t love your children as much as us SAHMs do, and that it’s best for children to be at home with their mothers.

How can they say this about you? I know you love your children just as much as any other mother. I know that going back to work was no easy decision. You weighed up the pros and cons, long before you conceived a baby. It has always been one of the most important decisions of your life. You thought about this even while you were in high school and were choosing subjects for Grade 11.

I see you everywhere. You are the doctor I take my children to when they are sick. You’re my child’s allergist, the one who diagnosed her peanut allergy. You’re the physiotherapist who treated my husband’s back. You’re the accountant who does our tax returns. My son’s primary school teacher. The director of our childcare centre. My daughter’s gymnastics teacher. The real estate agent who sold our house. What sort of world would it be if you hadn’t been there for us? If you had succumbed to the pressures of those who insisted a mother’s place had to be in the home?

I know you weigh up every job to see if it will suit your family. I know you wake up an hour before everyone else does, just so you can get some exercise done or some quiet time. I know that you have attended meetings after being up all night with your toddler. I know that when you come home in the evening, your “second shift” begins. The nay-sayers don’t understand that you run a household AND hold a job. You come home, cook dinner, bath your children and read them stories. You tuck them in and kiss them goodnight. You pay the bills, do the grocery shopping, the laundry, the dishes, just like every other mother does.

I know that you often feel guilty about having any more time away from your children so you sacrifice your leisure time. I know you can’t bring yourself to take a “day off” for yourself when your children are at daycare. I know you accept that work is your “time off” for now. I know that when you are at work you don’t waste a single minute. I know you eat your lunch at your desk, you don’t go out for coffee, and you show complete dedication and concentration to your job. You chose to be there after all. You want to be there.

I know how discerning you are about who is looking after your children, and that many long daycare centres offer excellent care. I know you only leave your children in a place where you confident they are loved and well looked after. I know that you spend many days caring for your children at home when they are sick, and sacrifice your pay. I know that you secretly enjoy these days, and revel in being able to be with your children.

I know that sometimes you feel guilty about not being there all the time. But WM, I know this. You are setting a wonderful example to your children. You are showing them that a woman can have a career, contribute in some way outside the home, and still be a loving mother. You are showing your daughters that they can do anything they want to do in life. You are displaying strength, endurance, dedication, tenacity, and you do it with so much joy and love.

I just wanted you to know I understand. Because we’re both mothers.

Love from the trenches

Stay-At-Home Mum

**********************************************************************************************************

I feel connected to this, cause dua2 pon saya pernah rasa. From a working mum, then a SAHM and now working mum again and soon maybe SAHM again as I'm working not on permanent-basis.

Dua2 pon ada cabarannya tersendiri.

Saya ingat dulu masa mula2 berhenti kerja dan duduk rumah jaga anak dan uruskan rumahtangga. It was stressful at first, feeling like I was not cut-out to be a SAHM. Saya pernah cerita kat SINI. Yes, being at home handling the kids and endless housechores can drives you crazy. But then, I started looking at the positive ways, and started enjoying the SAHM status. I could plan my time with housechores, created activities with kids, having sometime to do my morning walking when cik HB was at home, enjoying my cooking hobby. 

That was between 2008 while we were in Germany until we came back to Malaysia in 2011. Lepas tu another setahun being pregnant and delivered another baby in 2012. 

Then dapat job opportunity right after delivery. I am a working mum now hanyalah disebabkan keperluan ekonomi, otherwise I would just love to stay at home. I don't think I am someone who needs to keep a paid job to keep me sane. 

Being a working mum, you have to be good at juggling matters between things at work and at home. Kena fikir bila masa nak beli groceries, bila masa nak settlekan laundry, bila masa nak sit-down with kids and juga memberikan layanan kepada suami.

Well, whatever it is, give it a working mum or SAHM, we mothers would always try to the best for the family kan?

Amalan Pemakanan Sunnah

Overweight, hair loss, cracked heels, dull and dry skin, pimples on the back....

These are my common health issues recently...

Maybe it's part of aging process, maybe it's my non-healthy lifestyle, maybe the pollutions around us....

No doubt, there are a lot of food supplements in the market, promoting it's good for health and beauty but mostly are very costly and some are suspicious whether it's safe or not. Kadang2 saya sendiri pon tempted nak cuba2 the so-called collagens people said very good. Tapi bila ditanya harga....adoiiii....sepeket sehari itu berharga RM6-7 gitu...

Hmmmm....cancel mokcik nak beli!

Somehow, terjumpa video Ustazah Norhafizah Musa kat Youtube tentang amalan pemakanan sunnah yg membantu untuk menjaga kesihatan dan kecantikan. 

Most are using the natural elements...like habbatus sauda atau scientific name nya nigella sativa, is something I'm familiar with sbb dah mula ambil dr start breastfeeding sampai la skrg. Tapi saya ambil dalam bentuk capsule bukan minyak. Minyak kelapa dara pon penah amik dalam form capsule. Dah lama x makan sbb nak kena order online. 

I believe cost of buying all these makanan sunnah in their natural forms is much cheaper dari those yg dijual as MLM products. Takpe, nanti saya survey harga market macamana dan saya cuba dulu dan tengok macamana.

Tak berani la nak ckp besar that I won't try the collagens yg byk sungguh dipasaran skrg ni. If terjebak nanti, beli jugak kot....hahahaha

So yang dapat saya ringkaskan dari ceramah tersebut:

1. Bangun saja dr tidur, minum air suam sebanyak 625ml (lebih kurang 1 botol suku of botol mineral saiz kecil). Ini untuk membuang toksin2 dalam badan setelah badan melalui proses2 tertentu sewaktu kita tidur.

2. Kemudian ambil sesudu minyak zaitun.

3. Lepas minyak zaitun, ambil 2 sudu pati delima

4. Lepas tu campurkan 1 gelas air suam + 1 sudu madu + 1 sudu minyak habbatus sauda + minyak kelapa dara + za'faran beberapa helai. Kacau sebati lepas tu minum sampai habis. Lepas dah minum, tunggu 2 jam baru ambil sarapan. Disarankan ambil campuran di awal pagi.

5. Selepas sarapan, boleh amil sedikit cuka kurma. Sikit aje. Ianya membantu membuang toksin2 dalam makanan yg kita makan. 

6. Kulit kayu manis - buat sebagai snek harian. Pecahkan dalam serpih2an kecil dan buat mcm makan kacang. Ianya membantu menambah tenaga dan mengurangkan pening2. Kalau diambil waktu malam, akan menjadikan tidur yg berkualiti. Tapi cari yg asli. Yang jual kat Malaysia x cukup asli katanya.

7. Kacip fatimah - bagus utk kesihatan wanita. Tapi tidak disarankan ambil secara kerap sbb akan menjadikan kita terlebih aktif. Ambil selang sehari atau few times in a week. Juga dapatkan yg asli. 

Boleh tgk sendiri video ini utk dapatkan lebih pemahaman.

WW - Gaining not Losing!

We were in KB for 5 days CNY breaks. 

There, I lost the battle of food fight.....huhuhu and gained 2 kg.

2 kilosssssssssssssssssss

How easy to gain!

It was because I couldn't say no to Mek's homemade nasi kerabu, the morning breakfast of nasi berlauk, Che Wa's kuzi ayam, the amazing lauk-pauk bekwoh (kenduri kahwin),  the on-going food supply of Kelantan delicacies....

That bekwoh I went on Saturday had amazing buffet spread from ayam percik, gulai daging, kurma kambing, acar, ikan bilis berlada, pulut kuning, rendang, laksam, bubur kacang, wehhh...so much I couldn't remember all of it!

So yeah! I know I am still struggling over food control.

Just came back home last night, x sempat nak buat proper food pack, I ended up makan nasi lemak this morning.

We'll see my WW next week....would I be back on track?

When You Feel Like Snapping.....

I was at my wits end yesterday.....

It's actually nothing big, just yesterday I didn't control my own emotion, I ended up feeling upset.

Everyday, I try my best to juggle everything between my responsibilities both at work and at home.

Setiap kali balik keje,walaupun penat,  I try to have a home-cooked meal for dinner, jenguk dan siram my pokok2, , get the kids solat together, helping them with their homeworks, dealing with their tantrums, whinings without me being mad and shouting, at the same time managing the endless house chores - laundry, sweeping, ironing....ahhhh, the list would go on and on.

And the same time, telling myself not to be stressful, do it for Allah, do it out of love. 

Sometimes it works well, no matter how much I have to do, I guess I'm not that stressful.

But sometimes, like yesterday I just snapped.

It started when I found out one of twins spilled yogurt drink in my car. They were with cik HB who drove them home from sekolah agama. You know how smelly it would be if yogurt drink spilled inside the car!

I told cik HB, don't ever buy them again any sugary drink and drinking it inside my car. I've had enough with all the rubbish, shoes, books, toys, you-name-it stuffs being left in my car all the time. 

And now nak mengadap bau air yogurt pulak.....huhuhu

Father and daughter did the clean-up la yesterday. Yang itu I was still ok walaupun geram.

Then, after I'm done with cooking and dah masuk Maghrib, I just served the foods first lepas tu ajak the twins to solat. Normally we eat before waktu Maghrib masuk tapi semalam with all the hassles, tak sempat la nak makan before Maghrib.

After solat the twins came down first, then tiba2 dengar bunyi "pranggggggg".

Sesuatu dah pecah!

The same twin who spilled yogurt drink pecahkan pulak my favourite mug! (The mug I bought in Germany years ago, sepatutnya ada twin dia jugak but that one pon dah lama pecah...huhuhu).

I snapped inside. Tapi tak kuasa nak jerit2 marah2. The twins dah kelam kabut mencari penyapu dan kutip kaca yg pecah. Yang sorang tu ckp yg the other one kelam-kabut angkat penutup saji so dah langgar mug yg duduk tepi tudung saji tu.

Rasa cam really energy drained out tgk the mess. I said I don't want to eat anymore, you girls makan la sendiri, sbb semuanya dah dihidangkan. 

Then I pegi duduk depan TV. Yang tukang pecah mug tu dah mula kalut dan tarik2 me ajak makan. I said no, don't talk to me, pegi makan sendiri. Dia dah mula menangis. Kebetulan pulak Cik HB pulak masa tu dah keluar gi main badminton so he was safe from dealing with the drama...huhuhu. The-girl-who-broke-the-mug-and-spilled the-yogurt (mak aii, panjangnya la...tp I don't want to name her...hehehe) kept pulling my hand and hugged me eventhough I kept saying 'jangan duduk dekat umi, pegi sana'

I actually just wanted to give myself a space, sbb mmg marah and I didn't want to spank or shout at her. And I wanted to give time-out to her sebagai denda jugak.

Tapi she is the type yg persistent and dominant. She just won't listen and kept pestering me, leaning on me and when I started raised my voice, dia menangis lagi kuat! 

Adoiii....dah nak masuk 9 thn tau!

The other one pasrah je makan sorang2....sikit pon x ckp apa2 walaupun I know she was upset that we didn't sit down together for dinner, because we always eat dinner together. Dan dia pon tolong nasihatkan The-girl-who-broke-the-mug-and-spilled the-yogurt to just obey dgn ucapan tambahan "supaya Umi x bertambah marah"

So for one hour I ignored the-girl-who-broke-the-mug-and-spilled-the-yogurt, but deep inside saya berperang dengan diri sendiri, asking myself "am I doing the right thing?" and "why I am so angry with her?"

Made me asking myself too "what kind of mother I am?"

The-girl-who-broke-the-mug-and-spilled the-yogurt, however sikit pon x lari merajuk tp bersusah payah memujuk saya walaupun I felt it was very annoying sbb dia memujuk dengan whinings yg x berenti "umi, umi". 

Lepas tu when I helped the other one with her homeworks, The-girl-who-broke-the-mug-and-spilled the-yogurt pon dtg sua buku dia minta tolong.

Of course la x sampai hati, then I helped her out. Lepas tu baru dia hulur tangan minta maaf and hugged me tightly. Dia mmg jenis manja and clingy. 

So pagi ni saya muhasabah diri.....I guess, me as a mother kena banyak2 bersabar dan berdoa pada Allah supaya mampu mendidik dia dgn akhlak yg baik. 

I know, a good mother won't snapped easily over her kids' unpleasant behaviour. And I also know buruk baik perangai anak kita, adalah dtg dari sikap ibu-bapanya juga. I don't want to label my kids as such and such because it said labelling our kids would give bad impact to their personality (but I just did that, huh?).

And I guess when I snapped yesterday, not just solely because of her, it's me too...maybe I was tired, I was upset with something so little, yet so mind-bothering, so with what she did, it was a good combination for an emotional eruption.

I wish I am more patient and strong to deal with everyday's life challenges. 

Furthermore, what is there to be upset and complain about? I have a wonderful life actually, I have a good husband, healthy and beautiful kids, we have paid jobs to pay for everything we need.

Bayangkan mereka2 di Palestin dan Syria tu? Can you imagine being in their shoes?

So take a deep breath and be grateful ya!

Tapi semalam ada la jugak perasaan begini....hehehe

Weighing-In Wednesday

Well, well, it's Wednesday again....

So I stepped on the scale this morning and I'm at 70kg!

Yipppieeee!!!!

Turun 1kg pon nak excited eh?

Oh, mesti la coz knowing me and my body, nak turunkan berat badan mmg sgt struggle. Tapi kalau nak naik tu, senang sgtttttt.

Sebab, satu saya mmg suka makan dan juga suka masak. Keduanya, I guess my metabolisme mmg dah menurun so mmg amik masa la nak turun. Ketiganya, aktiviti fizikal xde la konsisten.

But it's ok, pakar2 berkata adalah lebih baik turun berat badan secara perlahan2 tapi konsisten and it would be more sustainable rather than losing weight drastically then susah nak maintain.

Dan yang penting latih diri utk makan secara sihat.

So here is my bekal today: 2 keping roti Gardenia butter raisin and 1 cheese slice in between. Sup Yee Mee with aneka sayur and fish balls for lunch. Juga nuts and buah limau for snacking in case memerlukan. I said memerlukan sbb mmg tak terhabis pon snack2 yg ditunjukkan dalam satu hari. Nuts would be like dalam 10 biji je gitu and limau tu dah berhari2 bawak tapi x sempat makan.

Today also is an overloaded carb-day. Kalau tgk kadang2 ada carb kadang2 takde, I don't have specific rules when it comes to carb. Dulu penah buat Atkins yg omit carb at all on the early stage. Hmmm..berjaya buat 4 ari gitu je kot. Losing mmg losing but feeling something is missing jugak....

Now, I'm more to Kevin Zahri's style. Kevin Zahri suruh seimbangkan semua jenis - carb, protein, lemak, gula which I think lebih make sense. 

So my bekal would be based on what I have in my kitchen and  the time I have to prepare them, bearing in mind, healthy choice would be priority. Kadang2 mmg x sempat nak gi groceries shopping kat pasaraya besar yg ada byk healthy choice like Mydin Hypermarket or Jusco, so beli la apa saja yg ada kat kedai runcit dekat rumah. Like right now, the fridge is nearly empty but I'm not going to stock-up my fridge sbb nak balik KB cuti CNY ni, so that's why the yee mee is on the menu today.

Oh, balik KB would be a big challenge for me to have control over foods. Kat sana it's all about makan, makan dan makan!

And I would be melting bila tgk meja makan at my in-laws is always full of foods and people eating....huhuhu

Bekal Hari Ini

Misi utk update 'Bekal Hari Ini' on daily basis nampaknya x berjaya....huhuhu.

Kadang2 keje byk, x sempat nk update blog. Kadang2 x bawak bekal pon....

Tapi hari ni boleh la share!

The omelette is for breakfast - gabungan 2 biji telur and 2 biji tomato ceri juga separuh bawang besar. There goes my quota for eggs this week, x leh amik telur dah. According to a friend, telur limitkan 2 biji seminggu aje utk jaga paras kolestrol. 

Then the grilled salmon and steamed mix-vege for lunch. Salmon keping mmg makin mahal! Sebelum isu kenaikan harga barang, rate sekeping salmon dalam RM4 gitu tapi beli baru2 ni dah jadi RM6 sekeping gitu! Fuhhhh...sesekali beli boleh la demi kebaikan Omega 3 nya tu tapi xde la boleh makan setiap minggu. 

Rabak poket mokcik!

Then of course, the almonds and hazel nuts, buah limau lokam dan se peket biskut oat with chia seeds for snacking.

Sememangnya kos utk makan secara sihat di Malaysia ni agak mahal tp mungkin ada pilihan yg lebih murah yg saya belum explore. Anyway home-made food macamana pon adalah lebih murah dibandingkan dengan makanan yg dibeli.

Birthday Abah 70th @ FRIM Kepong

Alhamdulilah, Abah mencapai usia 70 thn genap 26 Januari 2014.

Alhamdulilah, di usia ini Abah masih dikira sihat dan kuat walaupun ada kencing manis dan darah tinggi. Cuma of late Abah kadang2 jadi terlupa.

Semoga Abah dipanjangkan umur, dikurniakan kesihatan yg baik, dirahmati Allah s.w.t. 

Jadi smlm kami adik-beradik sepakat sambut birthday Abah dgn berkelah kat FRIM Kepong. Nak pegi makan2 kat restoran, kami ni punya anak2 kecil, kalau lama2 tu nanti ada je yg buat hal. So bincang2, berkelah la yg paling convenient utk kami yg ramai2 ni. Lokasi FRIM tu dipilih pon sbb convenient utk semua org since Mak Abah skrg ni duduk kat rumah adik saya kat KL utk sementara waktu sbb nak tolong jaga anak dia yg takde pengasuh. Saya and kakak sulung je yg jauh sikit, me from Melaka dan Kakak dr Tg. Malim. But still x la jauh sgt.

Malangnya, my sis Ana x dpt nak join, sbb anak dia masuk hospital 2 hari sebelum tu sbb demam.  

Kami sempat pi melawat Sofia kat hospital on Saturday.

Berkelah kat FRIM is quite nice sbb x padat sgt dan agak bersih. Maybe sbb nak masuk FRIM ni kena bayar kot, satu kereta RM5 then tambahan RM1 utk setiap org dewasa. Jadi xde la ramai sgt org nak dtg dibandingkan dengan tempat2 perkelahan yg percuma. 

Bought SR's Chocolate Indulgence for Abah's birthday. Nasib la cuaca x panas sgt, so kek x cepat mencair. Tapi jadi lembik la juga

These are my sisters, there should be 6 of girls, tapi kesian Ana x dapat join

Adik-beradik perempuan  with Mak & Abah

My three brothers campur anak2 buah with Abah

Fatimah Az-Zahra...cousin Insyirah yg sebaya 

My eldest sister and her husband....

kami bawa makanan secara pot-luck, ended up ada byk betul makanan!

Kat sini ada la waterfall saiz kecik aje tp cukup la utk budak2 main air. 

The water was darn cold walaupun tengahari, 

menyebabkan Insyirah langsung x excited nak main air.

Lepas berkelah kat FRIM, before balik Melaka, sy sempat singgah nurseri Sg. Buloh beli sedikit pokok2. Really love this area of nurseries...byk sgt pokok2 yg menarik, rasa nak beli je semua. Dan jauh lagi murah harganya kalau dibandingkan dengan nurseries kat Melaka.